Thumbs up!

I don't flip anyone the bird when I drive anymore. It's rude, it's not very ladylike, and it can get you a ticket for being an aggressive driver.

So, instead, I give douchenozzles on the road a very enthusiastic thumbs up. You can't just give it out any old way, though. It's an art:

1. Don't do it with your kids in the car (if you have kids). While it's a totally non-aggressive, non-threatening gesture, I've found that it actually makes people even angrier. And that, of course, is why I do it.

2. Don't dole it out to any old jerk. I usually save this especially for people who are extraordinary assweasels. The people who drive dangerously and with wild disregard for other human beings on the road.

3. You can't just give a thumbs up whilst looking straight ahead. A large, cheesy grin is a nice complimentary gesture. I often wait until at a stoplight, get the other driver's attention, and give them two very enthusiastic thumbs up along with the aforementioned cheesy grin. On the rare occasion that I'm not wearing my sunglasses, a very exaggerated wink is a nice touch (with mouth wide open as if to say, "Yeaaaah, wooooot, go you!").

4. Feel free to add other obnoxious, yet non-threatening gestures. I occasionally like to throw the "YOU ROCK!" horns, and for the asshats with a very special place in my heart, I'll give them the old school Arsenio Hall Show fist pump.



I guess that's about it today. The number of people making my commute to work a living hell has multiplied exponentially these days.

Video blogging

You know, I'd probably update more often if I could get my shit together and figure out the movie setting on my camera. I find it a lot easier to sit in front of my camera and talk crap for two or three minutes than carving out time to try to be witty and snarky and interesting via typed text.

Maybe I should do that.