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Monday, April 30, 2007

Hanging on.

I'm going through some things right now, and I honest to God feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. And it's a damn lonely feeling.

Any shred of self-confidence I may have been getting back has been smashed. I spend a shameful amount of time berating myself, and I'm constantly taking personal inventory and further beating myself down. What's happened has set me so far back in how I feel about myself as a woman.

And I feel like I'm overreacting, I should just shut the hell up and get over it already. And I'm not really even angry anymore. But I'm just upset about how this has made me feel, and that I can't stop talking shit to myself.

I don't want to be distant and aloof, but I can't bring myself to be open and affectionate.

I feel violated, and I keep wondering what I did. What is it about me?

Ugh.

6 comments:

That Chick Over There said...

((((((((hugs)))))))))

If you need me or just need to talk, I am here for you.

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Reading through the lines here...sounds like someone hurt you and you're blaming yourself?

Ditto to what that Chick said. If you want to run something by someone who'll be totally honest and not judgemental, I'm here. I know I don't know you very well yet, but sometimes that makes it easier, you know?

velocibadgergirl said...

Sister, you know you can email me or call me any time, day or night.

I love you, babe.

M said...

Oh honey I wish I could help you. I see you go through these patterns time and again. There must be an answer. Is there a professional you could talk to? You must stop blaming yourself for everything. xoxo

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Haven't heard from you in awhile...hope you're still hanging on.

That Chick Over There said...

Sending you hugs tonight!!! :)