And I? Am feeling like a big stupid jerk.

Oh boy.

My co-worker, the pregnant one. She's not at work for the rest of the week. Why? She's having a miscarriage. She is understandably heartbroken, and so is everyone in the office.

I feel so awful for her because I know how badly she wanted (wants) this. And she was so happy. But at her obstetrics appointment earlier this week, they could not find a heartbeat via vaginal ultrasound, and they actually think the baby stopped developing at 5 1/2 weeks.

I have talked about how I don't know what it's like to be excited about a pregnancy, to have the people around me excited, that I don't know what it's like to have a proud father present at an ultrasound, and at a birth. And I have talked about how jipped and jealous it makes me feel. But I also don't know what it's like to want to make a baby so badly, but having a body that won't cooperate. I don't know what it's like to want and hope and pray for it for 8 years, have my prayers answered, then have that hope snatched away. And I guess I'm glad that I haven't had to go through that.

But now I'm left feeling this terrible guilt. Over the jealousy, and the bitterness. Even though I was happy for her, those feelings peppered that happiness for her. And I'm feeling really awful. I feel awful for her, and I feel awful that I let those thoughts sneak in and affect my overall feelings about everything.

So, if anyone reading this can send good thoughts her way, I'm sure she and her husband can take everything you're willing to dish out.