Do you see what I fucking deal with?!?!

E-mail correspondance between a total douchebag, a co-worker (briefly), and me:


From: Doucheface
Sent: Mon 3/30/2009 8:41 AM
To: Chuck
Subject: Renewal

Why has there been no membership renewal sent to me this year via regular mail? T. Doucheface, P.O. Box 666, Hell, Va. 22666. Why is finding an e-mail address to contact Organization almost impossible to locate on the website?

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From: Chuck
Sent: Tuesday, March 31, 2009 10:48 PM
To: T. Doucheface

That is a good question Todd. I will forward this to the membership department. For emails, please click on the tab labeled "About Organization" then click on staff. This will give you every email for Organization that you possibly need. Hope this helps.

Chuck

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Subject: RE: Renewal
Date: Fri, 3 Apr 2009 16:43:23 -0600
From: Heather
To: T. Doucheface

Mr. Doucheface,

I received your voicemail, and I am not sure why you wouldn't have received your renewal card. I apologize for the inconvenience, and a membership application will be sent out to you first thing Monday morning so that you may renew by check through the mail.

Sincerely,

Heather

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From: T Doucheface
Sent: Friday, April 03, 2009 4:52 PM
To: Heather
Subject: RE: Renewal

Heather, Ok... This oversight has made my membership become now in an expired status. There is also a sanctioned tournament here this weekend. Not good... I am, Doucheface (I fuck you not, folks, he really signs his emails "I am". You are what? A dick? Yeah, I'm figuring this out.)

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From: T Doucheface
Sent: Friday, April 03, 2009 4:54 PM
To: Heather
Subject: RE: Renewal

Heather, Have there not been four days between Chuck's message to me and yours this afternoon? Why could that membership renewal card not have been mailed this afternoon? I am, Doucheface (Please notice that all of these emails are in order. Please notice that this Cunthead sent me two emails within 3 minutes of each other. Do people seriously have nothing better to do?)

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Subject: RE: Renewal
Date: Fri, 3 Apr 2009 16:59:48
From: Heather
To: T. Doucheface

Mr. Doucheface,

I get approximately 50 emails each day, so sometimes it takes me longer than I would like to respond, and I apologize for the inconvenience.

It can't go out today as the letter carrier has come and gone already. She was here this morning. And I didn't get to your email until this afternoon. However, I have attached a PDF file of our membership application. You may print it out, fill it out, and return it to us at your leisure. This is the only thing I can think of to get your membership in more quickly.

If you would like, you can also sign up at your event for a membership. However, it may take the membership up to 3 weeks to arrive here.

Sincerely,

Heather

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From: T. Doucheface
Sent: Friday, April 03, 2009 5:26 PM
To: Heather
Subject: RE: Renewal

Heather, Have been a member for over ten years and NEVER pay any money at tournaments! You have me in your data base so what is the problem? Who has dropped the ball on doing renewals yet finds the time to get approval for getting dues increased? No desire to be inconvenienced by printing something out at the library when it should already be in my mail box. When the parent organization does not have a clear contact link cor communication available on their website it appears that there is a real problem occuring at Organization Street. I am, Doucheface (Really, sir? You don't have a printer? Your neighbor doesn't have a printer? Really?)

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From: T. Doucheface
Sent: Friday, April 03, 2009 5:28 PM
To: Heather
Subject: RE: Renewal

Heather, Glanced at the form you atttached [sic] and it is one for a person who has never been sanctioned before...??!!! I am, Todd (Again, please note that these last two emails were sent 2 minutes apart. And, what the fuck, you fuckface? I am, I am, I am. You are a stupid fuck who wouldn't know customer service if it came up and punched you in the balls!!!!)

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From: Heather
Sent: Monday, April 06, 2009 10:01 AM
To: T. Doucheface
Cc: Bossman
Subject: RE: Renewal

T., (No longer address him as "Mr." He doesn't warrant that respect.)

I checked the list of people who had renewal reminders printed for them and sent out. Your record with all mailing information correct was included in that. The error was most certainly not here at our office, but with the postal service. You should have received a card. Once the cards leave the printing house, Organization no longer has any control over them. No one "dropped the ball".

As for not paying any money at tournaments before, no, you probably haven't had to. However, every member does have the option of renewing their membership at any event they attend that is sanctioned with Organization.

As for membership dues increases, several emails were sent out starting in December, allowing members ample time to renew at the old rate before the increase on February 1. Since you don't have an email on file in your membership record, you didn't receive the information. The increase was voted on by the board of directors and not a decision that was made by one person at our office.

Also, the membership application that I sent to you is not only for new members. If you take another look at the form, you'll notice that above the portion where you put your name, there is a spot for your member ID number. Also, on the right hand side, you can check a box that states that you are a returning member.

Obviously, this correspondance isn't helping solve any problems. If you have any further problems, questions, or issues you'd like to discuss, I suggest you talk to J. Bossman, my boss, our Executive Director (bossman's email).

Sincerely,

Heather

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Some days, I really question my life's path.