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I don't know what is making me come back to this blog. I haven't been here in a million years.

My shit is falling apart in my personal life. My professional life couldn't be better, but another part of my life is crumbling, and it's too late to stop it.

I'm trying really hard not to feel sorry for myself, and that's become much easier since I found out a friend lost her baby at the 20 week mark of her pregnancy. No matter how shitty things feel for me right now, I know she's feeling worse. And I can't stop it for her either.

I'm really good at wallowing. Not so good at putting on my big girl panties and dealing with life. But I kind of have to... I don't want Bean thinking that the way to deal with sadness and disappointment is to just roll over and die. You know?